The Wedding
by Anime Explorer
Summary: This is the adventures of what really goes on around the time of a ninja wedding. Be warned that this is definitely a crack fic. Don't be afraid to laugh! Now who is getting married? Well none other than our two favorite Hn'ers! (Yes, Sasuke and Neji)
1. Chapter 1: Hn

A/N: Welcome. Please tell UA what you think. Also, we do acknowledge that this is a crack fic and is in fact terrible! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: We own nothing!

* * *

"Hn."

"Hn."

"Hn."

"HN."

"Uh, are you guys ready yet?" Tenten popped her head into the room. The men in question just stared at her in response. "Okay then. But everyone's waiting."

"Fine. Let's go."

-O-

"Finally! We've been ready for nearly half an hour now!" Ino was waiting for the three. And she didn't appear to be too happy.

"That's exactly what I told them!" Tenten whined. The girl was obviously just as frustrated about the wait.

"Ugh I am so gonna punch them when this is over with." Threatened Sakura. Apparently nobody had been all that thrilled about the delay.

"Hush! You will not lay a hand on my OTP until at least a week after their wedding!" Tenten didn't seem to find any amusement in Sakura's claim.

"Uh, the music already started and the two of them are half way down the aisle." Ino had been paying attention to her surroundings. The other two had not.

"Wait WHAT! I MISSED IT AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, SAKURA!" Tenten snapped.

"Quiet or you are gonna miss more!" Sakura replied, watching the two men continue walking down the aisle.

"We are gathered here today to witness the union between…" A new voice began to speak when the males reached their intended destination. The ceremony had officially begun.

-O-

"You may now kiss-" The person speaking was cut off.

"Ahem." One of the men had interrupted. Things were going to be different than usual at this wedding.

"Sorry. You may now poke each other's foreheads." The two men then exchanged forehead pokes. They were officially married.

-O-

"SAKURA! IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED!" Tenten exclaimed as she leapt on top of the pinkette. Her face exhibited undying happiness.

"I know. Now as much as I love you, will you please get off of me?" Sakura mumbled from under the girl. She seemed as if she had limited oxygen already.

"Oh, sorry! I just get a little excited when my otp gets MARRIED!" Tenten got off of Sakura, but didn't lose any of her excitement.

"I bet my otp is better!" Sakura argued. In the girl's opinion, her OTP would always reign supreme.

"You're only saying that because you're part of it!" Tenten refused to acknowledge the fact that another OTP could be better than her own. It just wasn't possible.

"You're the other part of it!" Sakura exclaimed back. Apparently, Tenten had forgotten Sakuras otp for a moment there.

"Oh...right…" Tenten was a bit embarrassed that she had forgotten. "I do have to admit your OTPis pretty amazing."

-O-

"Itachi? What are you doing here?!" Sasuke stared up at his brother in shock. It was common knowledge that the two Uchihas still wanted each other dead.

"Like I would ever miss my little brother's wedding!" The elder boy replied happily. He loved weddings.

"But you do know I still want to kill you, right?" Sasuke pointed out.

"Kisame wanted me to come anyway. And I wouldn't miss it for the world, it's my only brother's wedding!" Itachi was for some reason insisting that he just couldn't miss the wedding.

"I could kill you right here and now, that would probably be a really good wedding gift honestly. Your dead body." Sasuke stated. But he wouldn't kill him. Not today.

"But I have my own wedding coming up. You wouldn't deprive me of love now would you?" Itachi held up his hand, revealing a ring. "Oops. I didn't mean that ring. Um…" The man hid his hand. He had forgotten about the Akatsuki ring for a moment there. "Here we go!" A blue hand was held up, displaying an actual engagement ring.

"I have no words for this situation." Sasuke was thoroughly confused by what was even going on. Apparently both Uchihas had found love.

-O-

"Why is your husband talking to a fish?" Kankuro appeared next to the newly wedded man. Kiba materialized shortly after the puppet master's arrival.

"And his brother, it would seem." Neji added on. He had glanced over at Sasuke a few moments ago.

"And you aren't worried at all?" Kiba finally spoke.

"No. He still wants his brother dead after all." Neji remained unfazed.

"Yeah plus fish boy and Itachi are practically married," Kankuro joked, not knowing that it was actually the truth.

"DID YOU HEAR THE GOOD NEWS!?" Sasori, the puppet-man, had shown up randomly. He was accompanied by his fellow artist. "ITACHI AND KISAME ARE GETTING MARRIED!"

"Uh…" Kankuro was shocked. He had actually been right about something for once.

"Oh! I got you a wedding gift. But I sent it to the school instead." Neji was being addressed by Deidara.

"Was it by any chance, a bomb?" Neji was apprehensive. It was very likely that the school would be exploding momentarily.

"HAHAHA! SASORI WE NEED TO GO… NOW!" The two men quickly ran off. They couldn't risk getting killed today.

-O-

Shikamaru and Temari had been watching everything that had happened at the wedding so far.

"Are we the only straight ones here?" Temari asked, seeing that Sakura and Tenten were together, as were the newlyweds, Neji and Sasuke. You couldn't forget that the four Akatsuki members that showed up were also paired up, Kisame with Itachi, and Sasori with Deidara. Naruto and Lee were married, even if they did seem to forget it quite often. Ino and Hinata were clearly happy off in their own little world where it was just the two of them. Kankuro and Kiba were obviously more than just pin-pals. There was also Choji, who was off in some corner with Shino. Then there was Sai, who was currently unattached. But he was still as gay as the fourth of July.

Yup, they may very well be the only straight ones present.

"What a drag." Shikamaru responded.

"Wait a second, Gaara, you're straight, aren't you?" Temari turned to her youngest brother who had suddenly appeared beside her.

"Hahaha…." Gaara had started laughing nervously. It had soon turned into tears.

"Looks like we are." Shikamaru had correctly interpreted said tears.

"Gaara, stop freaking out. I'm totally okay with Akamaru and The Crow being together so nothing fazes me anymore. Go find yourself a boyfriend!" Temari wanted everyone to be happy. She honestly couldn't care less who made them feel that way.

-O-

"I can't believe you two would do something like this!" Naruto Uzumaki had finally arrived. He looked angry.

"Well to quote you, Naruto, BELIEVE IT!" Sasuke was in no mood to humor his friend. Neji looked just as annoyed.

"But how could you?! I thought what we had was special!" Naruto and Lee yelled in sync. Of course they had each directed this at someone different.

"Okay, stop. You two are married. We are married. Please just stop it." Neji spoke this time. Naruto and Lee were always forgetting about that little fact.

"Riiiiight…." Naruto was blushing. So was Lee. The two of them seriously needed to figure out a way to remember the fact that they were married.

"So… Uh… Where's Gai-Sensei?" Lee quickly and youthfully tried to change the subject.

"With Kakashi-Sensei." Apparently Sasuke wasn't in a mood to help anyone, just to give them the obvious answer.

"We already knew that! Now give us a real answer!" Naruto was sticking up for Lee, and wouldn't stop asking until Sasuke gave them a good answer.

"We aren't sure. They left a few minutes before you showed up." Neji wasn't exactly in the mood to be helpful either. He just wanted Naruto and Lee gone.

"We must go find them!" Lee ran out of the building, Naruto following behind. Sasuke and Neji shared a breath of relief. They no longer had to deal with their eccentric friends.

-O-

"You know, I saw Itachi propose to Kisame this morning. It was weird." Tenten was trying to tell Sakura, Ino, and Hinata about her morning encounter. Sadly, no one was paying any attention.

"THE SCHOOL IS ON FIRE!" A loud cry rang throughout the room. Deidara's so called wedding gift had finally made its debut.


	2. Chapter 2: Before Everything Went Down

A/N: Welcome to chapter two. This one takes place the morning before the wedding and drags on until the end of that day. We are hoping to add a few more chapters. The next one will most likely take place three years later assuming we can actually find the time to write it!

Disclaimer: We own nothing!

-BEFORE THE WEDDING-

 _"I'm sorry to inform you sir, but he has undergone severe trauma. His memory has been affected. He may not remember you." A doctor addressed a blonde man. The boy looked close to tears as the situation was explained._

 _"When can I see him?" The tears now fell freely._

 _"Whenever you deem yourself ready. But I must tell you, he will be different." The doctor had seen people deal with these situations for years. Each and every one was slightly different._

 _"What about my friends? I'm ready now, but are they allowed to visit as well?"_

 _"Yes. Just remember that he may not know any of you." And with that, the doctor walked away. He did not want to be present when they entered the room._

 _"SASUKE!" The blonde man threw open the room door and approached the patient. His tears flowed harder as he realized the man before him did not recognize him in the slightest._

 _"Who are you people?" The raven haired man looked confused. He had been expecting his brother, not these people._

 _"We're you're friends. Well, Naruto here is your husband but that's beside the point." A pink haired woman stood next to a man with excessively large eyebrows. She had been the one to speak._

 _"Husband?" The word came out as a question. Obviously this Sasuke had not expected to be married to a man._

 _"Yes, husband." This time it was a woman with her hair in two buns who answered._

 _"I have a husband?"_

 _"Yes. And so do Sakura and I. Now hush and try to process the information." The woman continued her conversation with the man._

 _"Who are you then?"_

 _"Tenten. This is Neji, my husband." The girl pointed to a man with long hair who was standing beside her. "Sakura is the girl over there with pink hair. Lee is her husband. Naruto is your husband. Any more questions?"_

 _"No. Well, actually, how did I end up in here?"_

 _"An accident." It was Naruto who responded. He had finally stopped crying._

 _"What kind of an accident?"_

 _"Well you-"_

The statement was cut short as a woman shot up from sleep. Her dream had been very strange indeed. She looked alarmed at what her mind had pieced together.

"Tenten! Wake up!" The woman rustled the body next to hers. She needed confirmation that the situation really had been a dream.

"Sakura, it's only four. What do you need?" The brunette yawned as she sat up, turning to face her partner.

"I just had a really messed up dream. Sasuke had amnesia because he was in some sort of an accident."

"And? That doesn't seem that strange. I mean, people get into accidents all the time. Besides, it makes sense you would be worried about him getting hurt with what's happening today and all."

"Wait, there's more. Sasuke was married to Naruto! And to make matters even worse, I was with Lee, and you were with Neji!"

"What the hell, Sakura? How could you ruin both of our OTPs in your sleep!?"

"I didn't mean to! Now do you see why I was so freaked out? I mean, Naruto and Sasuke? Like that would ever happen!"

"For some reason I'm more alarmed by the fact that I was married to Neji."

"Well that's understandable. It's almost as if you stood in between your OTP and happiness."

"I guess. Thank goodness we won't have to worry about anything weird happening after today."

"Yeah. Neji and Sasuke are getting married. Nothing bad or mildly strange is going to happen."

"Right."

-O-

Hours after the dream incident, Tenten deemed it early enough to be out of bed. Deciding it would be unproductive to remain inside all day until the wedding, she made her way to the park for a walk. All was well until she stopped in front of the fountain.

"Excuse me, could you move over a bit?" Itachi Uchiha? (How did he even get in Konoha?) was standing a few feet away from Tenten. His question was directed at her.

"Why do you need to- You know what, nevermind. Sure!"

"Thanks." The Uchiha approached the fountain and looked within. This confused Tenten seeing as the water within the fountain was literally a foot deep. Nothing interesting could be inside. Or so she thought.

The music from Jaws began playing as the girl watched Itachi in front of the fountain. Soon enough, a figure began to rise out of the water. Within seconds, a six foot something foot tall shark was standing in front of the man. Well, it was just Kisame, but still!

"Sup' Itachi?"

"Would you like to Kiss a' me and get married?" The man presented a ring, which did not resemble his Akatsuki ring in the slightest.

"Sure." The two men walked away. happily engaged.

The whole situation left Tenten torn. She wasn't sure if she should be happy or completely weirded out. She was already mentally making sounds resembling that of a dying whale. Now she just needed to know why.

-O-

Elsewhere, Ino and Hinata had gone to pick flowers. There was no real reason as to why. They had just woken up and decided picking flowers seemed like fun. It was also a good way to pass the time until the wedding ceremony.

"The ones over here are nice." Ino called out to her um.. friend?

"Oh, they are." Hinata approached the other girl. As the two bent down to gather the plants, they felt an ominous presence arise behind them.

"ZETSU YOU CREEP!" Ino was obviously done with the stalker plant. He had done this to her one too many times. Yes, it was quite normal for him to creep on her as she gathered flowers.

"I'm not a creep." Was all the man said as he sunk back into the ground. Good, the girls would be alone once again. The only way someone would interrupt them now is if they were a tree.

"Uh, Ino?" Hinata was looking at a tree with a mildly concerned expression.

"That's not normal. Wait, is that Yamato?" The tree in question had sap running down its trunk. Ino assumed that the sap was the tree equivalent of tears. Grabbing Hinata, she quickly exited the clearing. Flower picking just wasn't in the cards today.

-O-

"Welcome to this week's art club meeting. Today our agenda is learning to respect all types of art." Sai was in charge of reading the club documents. If the other two members touched them, bad things were likely to happen.

"Like that'll ever happen." One of the other members was angry about the agenda.

"It won't." The other was as well.

"You two really need to work out your differences. This meeting won't be very long today due to the wedding. I'd really like it if the agenda didn't carry over into next week. We're already behind schedule."

"We are not changing our opinions!"

"Fine. Then can you please just pretend to like each other's art for like half an hour?" Sai was trying to get the meeting to flow smoothly. It wasn't working.

"I'm leaving. I need to go get my wedding gift ready!" The blonde man marched off.

"Okay then, I guess we can do this with only two members." Sai was slightly happier. He could probably get Sasori to say nice things about Deidara's art as long as the blonde was not present.

"No. I'm leaving soon too."

"Fine. Wait, isn't he obsessed with bombs?"

"He wouldn't."

"I should hope not. But you know him better so…"

-O-

Gaara casually made his way down the streets of Konoha. The day before Temari had ordered him to purchase some formal clothing for the upcoming wedding. And so, he reluctantly found himself searching for an appropriate store.

After walking for another ten minutes, he found one. It was small, but looked like it fit his needs. After waltzing inside, he overheard part of a conversation.

"Kakuzu, I know you wish you were hot like me."

Walking closer, Gaara found himself watching the scene instead of just listening.

"And I can show you how. Step one, V-necks!" The man then went on the rip his shirt open to an appropriate angle. Suddenly, the song 'Diva' started blaring through the speakers.

Gaara realized very quickly that he had made the wrong choice in establishment. The situation going on in the store looked like something out of his nightmares. Well, it would have been if he was capable of sleeping.

-O-

After finding a shop that did not have two extremely strange Akatsuki members within it, Gaara continued walking toward his hotel. Yes, a hotel. Where else would he stay while in a foreign village?

Suddenly, he froze. A tree was crying. Yes, crying. Sap was running down the trunk. Thinking himself to have actually lost it, Gaara ran as quickly as possible to his temporary residence.

-O-

"Tobi is a good boy." Gaara swore he heard the cake talk. He had arrived at location early, as per request of Tenten. She had wanted to make sure everyone was dressed appropriately so the wouldn't ruin the wedding pictures. So far, Gaara was the only one there.

"Tobi is a good boy." Once again, the cake sung. Gaara now knew he really was crazy. Cakes don't sing and trees don't cry. It's just not possible.

"Woah, did that cake just talk!?" Kiba and Kankuro had arrived on scene. Kankuro was the one to claim the cake was displaying human qualities.

"I told you we shouldn't have drank that old poison that was in the Crow! Even if it's old enough not to kill us, there is no way hallucinating a talking cake can be good."

"We didn't actually drink it. I think. I'm pretty sure Akamaru bit us when we tried."

"Riiiight. But why is it talking then?"

"I don't know. Let's throw a puppet at it!" Kankuro was now excited by the prospect. But as he reached for the Crow, his hand was bitten. He had totally forgotten Akamaru was overprotective of said puppet.

"I guess we just imagined it then."

"True."

"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"

"Choji! Did you just hear that cake talk?" Choji and Shino had arrived on location just after Akamaru had attacked Kankuro.

"I don't know. I think all food speaks to me." The Akimichi seemed embarrassed by this but answered truthfully nonetheless.

"Dang it! And we can't ask Shino because he doesn't talk!" Kankuro was frustrated now. Gaara was actually quite happy though. At this rate, he might not actually be crazy.

"YOUTH!" That was definitely not the cake. Kakashi and Gai had shown up, successfully knocking the cake from its perch.

"But Tobi was a good boy!" As the cake flew through the air, a figure had flown out of said cake. The figure was of course, Tobi. The whole Akatsuki was in Konoha, it seemed.

"So I'm not crazy! But that doesn't actually explain the crying tree…." Gaara was relieved that the cake had actually been speaking in a way. As for the tree thing, he was still confused.

"That would be Yamato. He wanted to date Kakashi-sensei, but Gai-sensei got there first." Tenten had arrived to clear everything up. She had even brought an exact replica of the destroyed cake with her.

"How did you know the cake got ruined?"

"The moment I saw Itachi and Kisame in the park this morning, I knew something bad was bound to happen. The cake was just a precaution. It seems to have been a good idea though." The woman explained the situation and began to assess everyone's clothing.

"Tenten, not everyone is here yet you know."

"I do know. But you guys are the only ones whose clothes I have to check. No matter what I do Naruto and Lee are going to be wearing something ridiculous."

"Ah."

-O-

"I issue a challenge!" As Naruto and Lee had been running through the village in a mad dash, they had run into Pain and Konan. Of course Lee would take this opportunity to fight with them.

"Lee, we have to get to the wedding! We're already half an hour late!" Naruto was actually talking sense into someone for once.

"Right. We shall fight later!" The two boys took off running together once again.

"Are they even heading in the right direction?" Konan asked her companion. By this point, the boys were just green and orange specks in the distance.

"No. They are not." Pain answered as the made there way in the opposite direction. Now why would these two know where the wedding was? Why they were invited of course!

-O-

"Why are we even doing this?" Kabuto was referencing the fact that Orochimaru was watching the wedding through a pair of binoculars.

"We weren't invited." Orochimaru responded as he passed the binoculars to the group of three behind him.

"And they're here because…?" Kabuto was of course talking about the other three present.

"Sasuke didn't invite them either."

"Sasuke wasn't even the one who sent out the invitations."

"And you know this because?"

"I got an invitation." Kabuto said while holding up an invite. He looked rather smug. "Tenten was the one who passed them out. I'm assuming he didn't invite you and Karin seeing as you might try to steal Sasuke away. The other two probably weren't invited for the same reason."

"But why did she give you one then?"

"She knows I hate Sasuke. Now excuse me while I actually go to the wedding." Kabuto left quickly, waltzing towards the entrance.

"THE SCHOOL IS ON FIRE!" A screaming man cut him off as he was about to walk inside.

-O-

"You know, I wonder why Kabuto didn't show up." Tenten and Sakura were cleaning up the building. After the school thing had been taken care of, they had gone back to help with the mess caused by the party.

"I thought I saw an anime glasses glint by the door right before that guy said something about the school." Sakura responded. She was almost positive the glint had been Kabuto.

"Oh Kabuto! Of course he would do something like that!" The girl then continued her cleaning.

"I'm actually curious as to why the whole Akatsuki group came to the ceremony." Sakura brought up a good point. All ten members had acted as though their presence should have been expected.

"Oh, I invited them."

"What!? Tenten, how in the world did that happen?"

"Well…"

Tenten had been delivering invitations to the wedding all over Konoha when someone rose out of the group beside her.

 _-Flashback-_

 _"Zetsu! One, how did you get in the village? Two, why are you here? And three, here's an invitation to Sasuke's wedding."_

 _"Thanks." The plant left before answering any of Tenten's questions._

 _-End-_

"See? It wasn't that weird to invite him!"

"I think you were just too excited about the wedding to realize that inviting the Akatsuki wasn't very smart."

"Sakura! How dare you imply I'm not intelligent!"

"I did not imply that!" The pink haired woman was very serious about this. She couldn't have Tenten mad at her now.

"Fine. Hey, you remember our talk this morning?"

"Yeah. We were right about the mildly weird part."

"Thank goodness we added in the whole 'mildly' thing. We would've been wrong otherwise!" The two laughed as they finished their cleaning and headed home.

A/N: Please let us know what you think!


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